February 9, 2011

weird choice
“winter’s punch”
that was a spell in the ice age expansion

matthew: he’s so sorry
just a clumsy frost giant
big misunderstanding
the travails of adolescence
didn’t meant to collapse your domicile, he was distracted
you don’t have to call his parents, right
he could, like, work it off, somehow

me: can’t he just like cut firewood for you until he graduates?
he can bring you thousands of branches
occasional xc skier

matthew: do you need a small river diverted? that is possible
a bear is big to you, right? thing how long an entire bear would feed your slender frames
he will bring you a bear right now
just wait here
going to get a bear
oh shit was that your car

me: hahaha
they look really similar from up here

matthew: who makes a car in bear colors

me: The new nissan Kodiak

matthew: hahah
also, this is kind of weird, but uh, he was just wondering, since he’s over here anyway, is Kendra home?
no, no message
it’s ok
just nothing
not even a big deal

me: just they’re having a formal in my honor
they’ve done it for the past 80 years

matthew: you could all definitely come
Baffin Island
On the Shores of the Eyes of the Deep
it is still always-night up there
so dress warm
but anyway about the roof
stay in my cave, I guess?
have to ask my mom and stepdad
but totally sure it’d be ok

me: Night and War

matthew: can you say you’re tourists
maybe not mention the property distruction
those are good giant names

me: estranged dad Law living in Days Inn by the onramp
was dating Volcano for a while but she was crazy
now he stays in and watches jeopardy
very amicable, for what it is

matthew: Titans
and their inability to constructively express their emotions

me: this is how we become the world’s worst sitcom writers


How to be like Ron Swanson

January 21, 2011

The most important things you can ever know.

H: do ya know hu’s in chicago?

K: no

H: haha
you know hu
didn’t even realize

K: what

H: no
not like that
just a phrase
you know hu is coming to town

K: i dont understand what you’re saying

H: hu
the chinese president

K: oh, haha

the knickerbockers

December 28, 2010


December 27, 2010


December 24, 2010

Just the best:

I’m a total guy’s girl. You can cuss and say bad words in front of me, and I don’t even care about it. You can guzzle beer, and burp, and throw up the beer in your lap, and move on to straight gin, and start pissing all over the plant in the corner, and punch in the wall, and accidentally kick Yaps across the room, and mention that I order some chicken wings, bitch. Or better yet go pick them up myself because I could use the exercise, and if I don’t have enough cash on me then why don’t I just pay for it with the David Yurman Petite Albion Pave Necklace you gave me for our six-week anniversary – and I don’t even give a shit about it. Like I said, I am a real easygoing tomboy!

It’s called steak.

December 21, 2010


December 13, 2010
Donald Glover – Black Nerd
Funny Jokes Funny Videos Daniel Tosh Stand-Up

David Shrigley

November 28, 2010

Interesting article. Whatta weirdo.